my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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