Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
