Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
