I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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