And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize