shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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