I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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