i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
