i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
