you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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