This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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