tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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