If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize