I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
