True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
