i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
