why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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