Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I am morally bankrupt
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
