i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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