So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
