I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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