Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
