Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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