Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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