i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize