I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
