Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
