i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
