Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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