I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
