Apparently you make a good broom.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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