So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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