We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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