So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
