The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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