it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
