I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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