I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
