She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
