nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
