Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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