His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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