So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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