i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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