Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
