70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
