Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
