i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
