Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
