he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
