I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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