Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
