you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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