i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
