we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
