he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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