Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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