a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize