mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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