I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
