Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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